Test Of Love
“Why don’t you order for me,” she asks sweetly, looking at him with trust.
“Sure,” he replies, feeling the adventure of choosing an entree for his beloved kick-start his deep-down hunter, he-man core.
He peruses the restaurant menu with attention. Roasted chicken with fresh tomatoes and feta cheese - she loves chicken! Bingo!
“Well?” she inquires as he sets the menu down in triumph.
He tell her his choice.
“Really,” she states in a quizzical voice, one eyebrow raised higher than the other.
He falters for a moment. He knows that look - the quiet skepticism, the voiceless surprise. It is A Look. One that sets all his alarms off. Something is wrong. He mentally reviews the entree ingredients, knowing something seemed to displease her. Chicken…check, she loves chicken. Tomatoes? He has personally witnessed her eating them on several occasions. Feta cheese - ahhhh, that must be it. Does she dislike it, or is she on some diet where she avoids cheese? He cannot remember for the life of him. And he does suddenly feel as this might come down to his life, one way or another.
He grabs the menu again, announcing, “I think I might look a little longer.”
“Good idea,” she comments coolly.
Then it hits him. This is no simple romantic request, no affirmation of his manliness. She wants him to choose her meal as….. A Test! Sweat beads his forehead. If he chooses wrong, he loses. If he backs out, he loses. The chances of him winning are slipping away under the hot glare of his beloved, who now sense his panic as a lion sniffs the scent of a gazelle in the air.
He must choose…
Men in relationships hate tests. Whether it is from a girlfriend of two months or a wife of twenty years, men are wary of anything that reeks of a love test. “Unfair!” is the cry! “You are testing me!”
Men - listen up! Stop complaining that the special woman in your life tests you. Of course she does!
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a test as
“a critical examination, observation, or evaluation : specifically : the procedure of submitting a statement to such conditions or operations as will lead to its proof or disproof or to its acceptance or rejection”.
In other words, tests prove something. Most things in life involve tests of one kind or another.
In order to enter college and grad school, I had to prove myself in various tests. Tests were expected and were necessary. I did not know which questions would and would not be on these tests. I had to be prepared in many subjects and many topics. I did not take it personally. There were no accusations on my part, no cries of foul play. These schools have standards and I had to prove myself to them.
I gained admission to these institutions, but the tests did not end there. On no! On the contrary, tests continued at regular intervals throughout my time in those hallowed halls. Sometimes I knew what would be expected, sometimes I did not. It required a lot of work to be ready for these tests. Again, I did not turn my nose up at my professors. I did not approach them and exclaim, “You don’t trust me, do you? If you trusted me, you would not be testing me!” No, instead I read, re-read, wrote, memorized, and prayed real hard.
School is not the only place tests are given. Any job comes with tests on an almost daily basis. These tests come in the form of projects, sales, products, angry customers, bosses, and so forth.
Even faith comes with tests. Constant tests, if my relationship with God is any indication!
James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
See? Testing is necessary for maturity. We do not grow without a measure of of progress, without challenge to what has become routine.
Proverbs 17:3 states: “The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, But the LORD tests hearts.”
Even God gives tests.
Not that we women want to see our men fail (not usually, anyways). Instead, we are looking for proof - tangible proof that he still cares enough to study us, our likes, dislikes, habits, hopes, dreams. You know, little stuff like that. Most of us will settle for proof that he remembers the habits we have always had - forget the new stuff! If after ten years of marriage (not to mention all those other years of dating and such), your husband brings you home a giant candy bar filled with almonds, it makes you wonder. Not that you don’t appreciate the gesture, or the knowledge that he thought about you - you can see that. However, you have stated emphatically many times throughout the entire relationship that you do not care for nuts at all. How could he forget now? So, yes, he thought about you, but how hard? (and no, this has nothing to do with my life at all…nothing…nope…not a darn thing…..)
If there is any consolation, it is that we women test ourselves constantly. Every day is fraught with the little tests we give ourselves. For example:
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN AVERAGE WOMAN
DAILY GOALS:
- Do all 12 loads of laundry
- Write that novel
- Cook a delicious, made-from-scratch meal, regardless of the fact that my cooking skills go no further than Swanson frozen Lasagna
- Interact with all children in a positive, esteem-enhancing, creative way
- Scrub house from top to bottom
- Create successful from-home business
- Sew new couch cushions and slip-cover (even though I have no sewing machine)
- Greet husband with smile and kiss when he enters and serve him delicious, made-from-scratch meal
- Bathe all children, read nourishing bedtime story, say prayers, and tuck each one in with smile and kiss
- Clean kitchen and prepare for morning
- Wear that special something to bed (with enthusiasm!)
If we get one or two of our crazy expectations even half-way met, that is great accomplishment. So, you see men, in the end we are much harder on ourselves than we will ever be on you.
Tests of love are no different than any other test in life, be it school, faith or work. Love must prove itself over and over. The trick here is “proving”. If you do not know what test you are taking, you are in trouble. Know your beloved. Listen to those little pearls she drops every day about herself, what she likes and dislikes. Prove to her you listen. Did she mention how hungry she has been for strawberries? Bring her some, even if it is the middle if December and you have to pay $8 for a pint at the local organic grocery store. After all, what is $8 in your relationship? She will know what you did, and what you spent in time and money will be more than made up for in love currency.
However, like any other grade, love has degrees. It takes much more work to pass when you have a 20 average than if you have a 59. So, if you have neglected your spouse studies lately, you might have to “prove” a lot more than the person who keeps up pretty regularly.
Study up, be prepared, do extra-projects on your own, and pray. Chances are if you do these things on a regular basis, you will have no problem getting on the Dean’s List of your wife’s heart!
