I live with four neanderthals. One is adult, three are still shorter than I am. All smell and grunt a lot. They all think I am crazy, treating me at times with the gentle care shown to a bomb reading “00:01″ until explosion-time.

We entered the church foyer one day, arriving early so I could rehearse for Mass. As I said, we entered the foyer….and stopped. I looked around at them all, who were looking at me, clearly waiting for me to make a move. I glanced at the next set of doors, the ones that led from the foyer to the church, and decided to stand my ground.

“There are four of you males, and only one of me, a female,” I stated in a dignified manner, holding all of their eyes. “I refuse to open that door. With 8 male-hands among you, one of you is going to act like a gentleman, step to that door and open it for me!” I was clearly addressing the biggest of the bunch, but one of the younger ones sprung forward to whip the door open for me to enter.

Sigh! Raising a house of boys is a lonely job sometimes. Especially when I married a big boy. He appears to be an adult, but like many men, he is just a boy whose body grew up.

Case in point - I recently bought a Decibel Meter, to measure sound. For science experiment. What do you suppose the first sound these four various-sized male figures tested it on? They just couldn’t resist. Belching truly could be an official sport. What kind of power do I have over that? Sometimes, to be frank, not much. As the males collapsed into heaps on the floor, shaking with laughter and begging to be the next to “check” the decibel meter, I rolled my eyes and left the room. Clearly outnumbered.

On the other hand, as the only female in the house, I receive the tenderest of attention at times. I am their epitome of beauty (for now). I am, at times, showered with such compliments as “Your face is like the sun to me”, “You are beautiful, Mom”, “You are the best, ever”.

Of course, right now the young ones are upstairs, making gas noises, laughing, and talking about Spiderman. From where I sit downstairs, it sounds as if a herd of the largest elephants are passing overhead.

Life in all its glory!